Animal doctor...

Yibbe and me made the trip to the vet this morning. Chloramphenicol didn't work for his conjunctivitis and he started having rhinorrhea (running nose) and sneeze a lot. Kesian hidung meleleh je. Unlike us humans, cats cannot blow their nose.

As it was a Sunday morning, there were not many four-legged patients yet. So, I had a chat with the vet. Today, Yibbe's usual vet is off so he was attended by this lady vet. Nice gal. Found out in Malaysia, there are vets who can do cataract operation for animals.... phacoemulsification lagi (break the cataractous lens using ultrasound waves then aspirate it thru a sutureless incision) but that is only available in UPM. Most of them vets are trained there. But for subspeciality, they have to be trained overseas.

I almost wanted to become a veterinarian. I included that in my UPU form. Never thought i will become as i am today, instead.

Maybe if the blue moon turns yellow, or the motorists in Malaysia start driving dengan berhemah, perhaps i shall change career and become an animal doctor instead eh??

Duit...duit...duit

Being single, i have to rely on me and myself for all expenditures, and the consequences of intermittent impulsive splurge...

This year, no baju raya, kasut raya, kuih raya etc. Just sent Mak and Abah some money. It has been a quite depressing year. Takde mood nak raya because of the upcoming exams. Birthday tahun ni pun tak cuti, siap on-call lagi.

With the bonus and scholarship received this month, i managed to pay off all my credit card debts. Yippe!!! Tinggal last installment for the computer next month je. Lepas tu financially merdeka!!

I do have to keep aside some money though:

1. nak betulkan aircond... dah tak sejuk, bau hapak, make a lot of noise.

2. nak betulkan screen my laptop. Kalau mahal sangat, maybe beli baru but tu kena tunggu next PC fair le. Maybe i'll trade in ke... my old fujitsu and this current twinhead.

3. Nak service kereta. Tapi buat kat hometown je la. Sini mahal.

4. Still owe my father 4k. Dah 2 tahun, tak habis-habis bayar lagi. He said tak payah, tapi kesian pulak. Banyak tu. Though he is still earning some side income, and takde anak nak tanggung lagi, hutang is still hutang. That's my principle.

Hmmmm... so far, itu la yang pending lagi.

Now, i can start saving again...

Money, money, moooooney......moooooonnnnneeeeyyyyyyy!!!! (macam lagu tema *the Apprentice*)

Conjunctivitis...

Yibbe is having conjunctivitis. First the right eye, now both.

He probably contracted it from the cats outside. Everyday i have to wrestle with him to instill the eye ointment. Sometimes he just know when he sees the cotton tip or the ointment tube. He even refused to have his eyes cleaned.

I remember when he was down with Parvovirus. I was chasing him everywhere and he kept vomiting out his meds.

Baby likes to play with Yibbe. Now she too has conjunctivitis in the right eye. But since she is still small, it is easy for me to apply the ointment.

Memeng is the easiest to give meds. Even at the vet, she was the most well behaved.

Baby will need deworming, vaccination and later BTL. If not, i might have grandbabies soon enough.

Not easy to be a single mommy... adeehhh!!!

Life little things...

It does not take much to make a girl happy…

Today, I was pleasantly surprised when I received a postcard from a faraway place.

I knew the sender had been back home for a couple of days. Never expected anything from that person. I mean a mermaid, be it a live one or a statue, would be too implausible. A Danish cookie would crumble once it reaches the Malaysian shore. Danish pastry would taste stale and musty by now.

But I was indeed happy. Was brimming from ear to ear. Felt like I was there too. We could have painted the mermaid red!! Hehehehe…

I dunno why some guys are so oblivious about small things like this. A peck on the cheek, a card, a flower, i-love-yous, a hug, a phone call, an sms…. can make a whole lot of difference to a woman, especially when she is feeling down, or just not herself.

It does not entail too much time, energy or expensive gifts that’ll dry your pockets. It’s the thought that counts.

Showing that you’re concerned, that you care, that she is important to you, does not require Oxford education or a PhD.

It just need a diminutive effort, a minute sensitivity, a little creativity, and a bit of common sense.



I wish I was there with you too in København...

Beyond Logic...

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Beyond logic am I??

Dear Oreos...

I have no idea why people would regard us doctors as superhumans. We breathe the same air, walk on the same ground, exposed to the same microorganism. We swear out loud, we fart, we pee, we procreate, we reciprocate…

There are doctors who get divorced, get cancers, are smokers, alcoholics, who get depressed and commit suicide. There are doctors who wear glasses, even eye doctors. Not all have the hour-glass figure like Beyonce or macho studs like Calvin Klein models.

We have flaws…too.

When doctors get sick, patients always act surprised. Eh, dokter pun boleh sakit ke?? And this usually drives me up the wall. Even the computers need disk clean-up and defragmentation or whatever they call it, from time to time. Being among the sick, we in the medical line are actually more exposed to all kind of sickness. Remember the Bird’s Flu?? A lot of medical personnel died including the doctor who discovered the virus.

We are not six-million-dollar-man or Bionic woman or the immortals like the Elves in Lord of the rings.

We are not perfect…

We just don’t show them while at work. We were trained to be professional, and to act like one. Otherwise, how can a person trust his or her life in the doctors’ hands. A split decision can make a huge difference.

So, we have feelings, we get sick, we get angry, we get upset… we get emotional breakdowns…

We are just human… so please treat us like one.



Marina

My sister..... My destroyer

First, she broke the plastic door of my freezer. Tunggang terbalik i glue balik dengan gam gajah. The door still works, but silap haribulan boleh tanggal lagi if not gentle enough.

Then, she broke the kepala paip in the bathroom, cost me RM80 for the plumbing.

Then, she left the hot iron on my linoleum covered floor, of course terbakar laaaaaaa plastic tuuuu.. Habis berlubang lantai. My clothes basket pun ada lubang sebab dicairkan dek hot iron...

Then, sinki sumbat because she always throw left over food, sisa bawang etc. into the sink.

Then today, she broke the only big bowl i have. Ade ke letak bowl tu atas washing machine. That's the place where all my cats will jump on whenever they want to go to the verandah.

What next??

Oiittttttt!!! Ingat kakyung hang ni cap duit kaaaa????


TENSIONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Rock Bottom...

I am tired.

I am depressed.

I am feeling at the lowest of the low... rock bottom.

Yesterday, daytime was busy with work, then class, then group discussion. I think the nearer towards exam, the more unprepared i feel. I have this feeling, i can't make it in this exam. I am just not ready.

Then, rushed to the cafeteria to finish up my food coupons. Almost expired. Only bought some drinks. The food looked terrible. Then, stopped by at another cafe to buy bread and kuih. Still had an hour before breaking fast, so stopped by at the supermarket to buy some groceries. The fridge was practically empty. Then realised it was like 25 minutes more, i didn't have time to cook anything. So stopped by at pasar ramadhan and bought 2 packets of chicken rice.

Rushed home.

Sinki sumbat... THAT welcomed me home.

Oh maannnnn...

After breaking fast, i tried to fix the sink. I was wet all over, the kitchen floor was flooded with stinking water. I was at it for almost an hour. I sat on the wet floor in frustration. But of course, i fixed it in the end. Then, had to clean the kitchen, mop the floor, washed the dishes, washed the fish, chicken etc before stuffing them in the fridge. Took out the trash. Cleaned the litter. Laundry.

In the end, i was so tired. Only had my shower at 10:30pm. How come i am doing all these? I should be studying.

I am tired of doing almost everything.

I am tired of thinking whether or not there is food on the table. Whether there is enough money this month to pay the bills. How to fix the leaking sink. How much more cat food left in the store room. When to service the car. Why does it start making funny noise?

I am tired. So damn tired.

I wish someone could do all those for me for a change. Maybe not all, but perhaps some of it.

Tried to talk to someone whom i thought could cheer me up. Everyone else was not available at that hour, they were with their husbands, kids, families. It was not of much help either. I felt even more depressed. I forgot that the person was not available too. I was just a pest, being selfish. No, i did not want my misery to be contagious. Everyone has a problem of their own.

I wish i could talk to someone. Pour my heart out. Is it wrong to be negative sometimes? I am just a human. I cannot be positive, happy, cheerful 24/7.

Is there somebody out there?

Someone?

Anyone??......

I know what you did...

I found out who broke my car front signal light.

A neighbour (a guy and quite good lookin' i may add... eheks) told me he saw from his window, a Chinese guy pushing a taxi which was blocking his red, Iswara aeroback. Because the road was uneven, the taxi just reversed and crashed into my car. He even gave me the plate number of the culprit and the taxi. I thought i saw a taxi with a scratched bumper, a couple days ago, exactly where the spot should be if it was the one which hit my light.

I thought of searching for the Iswara. A red one is not hard to find. Perhaps leave a note under the wiper... SOMEONE SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY CAR... then sign with my car plate number. Does that sound spooky enough? Just like that movie... 'I know what you did last summer'. Perhaps later, put a dead lizard, or cockroach or a dead bird... maybe more gross, a bloody, freshly enucleated human eyeball.....Muahahahahahaaarrr!!!! That is if i could find one.

Or maybe not...

The new light only cost me RM17. Not worth the trouble.

Maannnnn... sometimes it is hard to be kind...

Home is where i become Peter Pan...

Cruising together,
Down miles and miles yonder,
To the place where I grew up in.

Memories near and distant,
Familiar faces in an instant,
Felt like I am a child again…

*********************

I am typing this from the comfort of my parents' house.

We moved here when I was seven. The place was a cowboy town, with lots of rubber plantations. It started to grow when TLDM was opened in Lumut. Back then, marrying the naval officers was the in-thing. But yang memalukan, you could find them naval officers getting’ drunk, having brawls at the pubs, over some chicks. Yup, most of them are malays. I mean berapa kerat sangat la non-malays yang nak masuk tentera ni kan? Gaji kecik. Lagi bagus bukak bisnes, join the corporate world and lead a yuppy, kiasu life, yes?

After 2 decades, the place has changed a lot. Parking dah kena bayar. Dah ada Kamdar. Dulu ada KFC je. Now ada Pizza hut delivery. Shopping complex dah banyak. Schools dah banyak. Taman perumahan dah melaut luasnya. Jalan dah 4 lanes. Dulu ada satu junction je with traffic light at the center of the town. Now, kejap-kejap jumpa traffic light. The town never failed to amaze me whenever I come back home with its vast changes. I kept getting lost.

And Mak and Abah are getting old. Alhamdulillah, they are still healthy. I plan to work here after graduation. Get my own place, but still not too far away from them. Whenever I am with my parents, I felt so at ease. I felt secure. There are no worries in this world. I felt like a child, all over again, like the first time we came here. I felt like I have never grown up, and I do not have to.

It felt so good to be home…

Malaysian motorists...

Yesterday, I was cruising with my sister at the North-South Plus highway, back to Mak and Abah.

On the way, I observed the way motorists behave on the Malaysian road. Terrible, horrendous, ugly, impatience, rude. No wonder, it claimed so many lives.

Express busses going at the speed of 110km/hour…..

Lorries overtaking each other recklessly. Ada sampai kereta from the opposite lane terpaksa ke tepi and actually stopped sebab takut bertembung dengan lori tu.

Cars zigzagging, overtaking others, kalah Formula One.

Motorcyclist yang dah la slow, bawak tengah-tengah jalan. Kita nak potong pun payah. Pastu kaki terkangkang. Oiittt nak anginkan your a*u tu keerrrrrr??? Rasa nak ram je kepala lutut depa.

Kereta yang bawak slow, tapi kat fast lane. Oiiittt cik adik, baru dapat lessen P ke (rupa-rupanya memang pun).

Kalau hari-hari macam ni, memang boleh dapat hypertension, tak payah makan garam lebih.

********************

Points to ponder:

Kalau nampak kereta buruk plet starts with AB or WB or yang huruf dia 2 je (plet zaman Tok Nobin) = Pak aji with cataract. You do not want to tailgate them. Their cars are solid, British made. Timpa kelapa pun boleh melantun balik. Far superior compared to our tin can locally produced cars. Overtake ASAP.

Kalau nampak kereta Proton yang dah recon, yang ada double exhaust pipe with sound macam kereta lumba tu + a young guy with a cap on, you would want to avoid this people too. They are the die-hards of malaysian motorist. Yup, they die.... hard.

Kalau nampak kereta mahal, Hondas, CRV, MPVs with a young yuppie driving it, avoid them too. Tak payah la nak overtake. They are the snobbish, road bullies.

Kalau nampak lorries, esp. yang kontena or lori panjang.... avvoiiidddd, avoiiiddd!!! Especially to drivers of Kancils and other cars that fall into the midget category. Kalau nak mati cepat, try la overtake these gigantic bulldozers on tyres. They have this Bernoulli effect around them, you can get sucked. I am one who is still alive to tell the tale.

Kalau nampak kereta yang jam packed with budak kecik yang tak diam mcm ulat ta*k, you also would like to avoid them as the driver usually tak boleh concentrate with all the commotion at the back. Or worse, the child might jump suddenly to the front and land on the steering wheel, the gear or the driver!

Kalau nampak kereta with lesen P, overtake je la. They are known to change lanes tiba-tiba, tak kasi signal, drive slow in a fast lane, tak sure nak turn ke tak, nak masuk junction tu ke tak, etc (macam i dulu masa mula-mula drive kekekekek...)

Dugaan di bulan puasa...

I think the bad karma is still loitering around me. First the break-up, then the bad flu… previously my car windscreen broke, then yesterday was my car front light. Kena mandi bunga la macam niiiiiii!!!

My call yesterday was not too bad. Actually, one of my good ones. Did all my ward work from 8.30 till 12.30. Then linger around ward. Around 2pm, came a little girl with corneal abrasion. Mak dia lembiknyaaaaa, nak pegang anak pun payah. Last-last I have to call the father, baru la budak tu nak diam sikit. Ni jenis mak yang tak pernah marah anak kut. Pukul 3 baru settle.

Then went home, masak, did some household chores, then slept. Tak tahu la kenapa mengantuk sangat. Mentang-mentang la tak pose. Haaaaa jangan fikir yang bukan-bukan. Uzur tauuu… Woke up at 10, tetiba je ada cerita Smallville season baru. Bestnya! Then ada cerita sitcom ape entah. Then dah pukul 12 and I felt too lazy to drive back to the hospital. So, I decided, I will only go back if there is any emergency or case to review. 8 more hours to go before my call finishes. So, I slept with Baby (the new kitten) playing with my hair, jumping and clawing me, I was too sleepy to even bother.

Tahu-tahu bangun dah pukul 5.30am. Terus tengok pager, takut kalau-kalau I missed any page. Alhamdulillah, takde. Handphone pun takde missed calls. Terus mandi and siap-siap nak pi kerja. Before that, cleaned the litter first then fed the cats.

As I was walking towards the car, nampak kaca bersepah.

Uisshhh amende pulak laaa yang pecah ni.

Pastu… UUUUAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Rupanya lampu signal depan kereta pecah!

And as usual, the culprit dah hilang la. Tensionnyaaaaaaa! Hari tu cermin depan… habis melayang RM360, ini entah berapa pulak. Adeeeiii.. baru je nak panggil orang repair air-cond. Duit lagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii….

Masa tu rasa berasap, sikit lagi dah nak tukar kaler hijau macam Incredible Hulk tapi tak boleh la koyak-koyak baju, me pompuan kena la censored sikit kan. Dah la nak operate orang pagi ni, dalam keadaan kekusutan, ketensionan, keterkejutan….

Adoiiii dugaan di bulan puasa…..

The Daughter...

Yesterday, I received birthday cards from Mak and Abah. Mak’s was a musical card… with a huge teddy bear picture in front, and abah signed his name with a cartoon character. That really made my day. I was beaming the whole day… macam orang angau kekekeke.....

I think I have never gotten myself into trouble. I was the obedient daughter, the one with good grades, the prefect in school, the only one who got into medicine in the whole family, the independent one whom they do not worry so much, the one who always finishes her food then asks for more eheks……

But I was also the kuat merajuk one, the stubborn daughter, the one whom male suitors are afraid of due to my straightforwardness and the title in front of my name, the one who gives them headache when it comes to the opposite sex…

I think no matter what, no matter how old I get, I will always be Mak and Abah’s little girl, their first born, the person who introduced them to parenthood…

And I'm lovin' every minute of it…

Happy birthday to me...

People celebrate their birthdays in many ways. Some would party all night. Some would spend it with their loved ones. Some would just treat it like any other days. Some would sulk and drown themselves in sorrow.

I had to work… and I was on-call.

Two days ago was my 32nd birthday. Instead of feeling happy, I woke up with tears in my eyes. Again, like many times before, there ware no cakes, no gifts. Just a few sms wishes from Mak and my close friends, which are very few. Someone dear to me even forgot my birthday. Perhaps, I am not important anymore.

I was tired.
I was stressed with the upcoming exams.
I was everything, but happy.

It did not feel like one of the most precious day in my life, but just one lousy, crappy day. The call was not too bad. I managed to sleep for a couple of hours. The clinic on the next day was busy. Then we had a meeting with the boss that dragged on till 6pm. I was dog tired at the end of the day, with a tension headache. Thought of calling Abah to wish him Happy Birthday (his was the next day after mine…. Mak said I was his biggest birthday present :) ), but both of them already went to the mosque for terawih. Did send him birthday sms earlier in the morning and hope his birthday card reached him in time.

My family is not very affectionate. We don’t hug or kiss or be mushy and all that. It is just not our way of expressing love. I think the last time I kissed Mak and Abah on the cheeks was when I sent them to Mecca…. 14 years ago. But I guess we love each other in our own way.

I zonked out the whole night. Only woke up for sahur.

Then it dawned to me… 33 is coming soon….

Maaannnn… where have all the years gone? What have I done? What have I achieved? So many things just flashed through my mind. Like watching a movie. My life part 1…. Part 2… part 3… part 30…. I wish things are like this, I wish these did not happen… I wish… I wish…I wish I am 20 again…

I think I had a good childhood. I had a wonderful time at school, at the boarding school, during university days. But I think I started to get messed up when I got emotionally exposed to the opposite sex.

Things I regretted.
Things I am ashamed of.
Things I wish I could undo.

It started then… and I am still messed up now…

When will I learn?
Will I ever learn?
Will I stop having hopes?
Will hope stop having me?

Happy birthday to me…

Sunday course...

Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... mana ada door gift thumb drive. Cesssss Tipah tertipu. But at the end, ada quiz, dan hadiahnya thumbdrive. And i absolutely did not win la. Nasib baik bukan laptop, kalau tidak bertambah la jakinyaaaaa... I only dapat markah cukup-cukup makan je. Macam mana la nak ambik exam nih....

Cayuukkkk... cayuuukkkkkk!!!!!! (ala Korea) Kena usaha lagiiiiii!!!!

Life ain't that bad...

I am done being angry. I will just exhale and let that bad karma seep out away from me. Anger takes so much out of you. It is tiring, energy-sapping, inducing low morale, with guilty hangover afterwards. No, I don’t want to be angry no more.

I am recuperating well. I think the stress of exams, the preparations of departmental presentations one after another, really compounded my sickness, and my immune system was in the lowest danger zone. But I am much better now. My bouts of cough have reduced in frequency, I no longer need to do fishmouthing (trying to breathe through my mouth). I don’t wake up in the wee hours coughing my lungs out.

I think this episode was the worst ever. Usually it only took me 3-5 days to fully recuperate, but this time almost 2 weeks. Signs of aging?? I hope not. Even after 5 days of Augmentin, my phlegm was still yellowish and thick. I even auscultated myself, praying hard I did not hear any crepitations, to make sure it was not pneumonia.

With exams coming soon, and then the Ramadhan, I must be in perfect health. Physically, mentally and spiritually.

I have not much confidence in passing this upcoming exams. But I will try my best so that I don’t regret later for not trying hard enough. Exams are unpredictable. Even the best ones fail on the first attempt. Just like in life. Reality bites, sometimes.

As for my love life, it is back to square one. Letting go and forgetting is not easy. Never was. Perhaps there is still that bit of me that is still hoping. Hope is what makes people go on living, what makes them strive further. Perhaps, I am just stupid that way.

Yesterday, was my last presentation till my exams. It went ok. But one of the big boss came towards the end of the presentation. Another colleague was presenting. The boss voiced out her dissatisfaction on the trainees in general. It was indeed demoralizing. Something you do not want to hear at the start of a well-deserving weekend.

My colleagues and I decided to spend some time out to boost our morale. It is a blessing that I have colleagues who, despite their marital tribulations etc, still can make time for all of us. So we went makaaaaan!!! Biasalah typical orang Malaysia. We went for a steamboat and barbeque promotion at Kelana Seafood and ate to our heart content. It was worth it. RM14++/person for all kinds of seafood, tomyam, fried rice, barbequed lamb…. Balik rumah macam ular sawa kekenyangan and I slept the whole night thru. I was well rested, finally.

This morning I had a preparatory class for exam with my senior. I was pleasantly surprised with an early morning, long-distanced phone call. I know you’re reading this. Thank you for the call. It really made my morning :). I seldom get any phone calls nowadays, well not as often as before anyway.

Need to return the library books, pinjam je lebih. Bacanya tidak. Didn’t realize dah lambat. Entah berapa la kena denda. Then found out, on first Saturday, the library is closed. Adeeiiiii… banyak la I menderma kat Perpustakaan ni.

Came back in the afternoon, slept some more. Then woke up and cleaned up the house. My sis had done much of the housework. So I bought McDonald burgers for her. I’m taking some time out albeit the blogging before continuing some more household chores, ironing etc.

Just few days back, Memeng bulldozed my laptop and the LCD screen cracked. Shucks!! I have not even finished paying the installments. Even with the upcoming bonus, I still have a lot of debts to pay. Hopefully by end of this year, I could finish all my debts and start saving up money instead. Maybe I’ll buy a new laptop later once I graduated. The desktop is still useable, even the laptop too despite the dark curtain on top of it due to the crack.

Tomorrow, I will be attending a one-day seminar at Pan Pacific. The door gift is a thumbdrive woohoooo!!!!. There will be a quiz later and the first prize is a laptop. Hope I can win!!

My birthday will be on 3rd Oct, and i will be on-call. Tak sempat nak swap with anyone. Ingat nak ambik cuti, tapi kalau cuti pun bukannya boleh enjoy pi mana-mana. So takpelah. Birthday ke tak, it is just another day. A day to remind myself of all the things that i have done with my life, be it good or bad. A day to reminisce.

Life is like a box of chocolates... maybe it is just Kandos instead of Ferraro Roche this time.

At least the box is not empty...