Hey big spendeerrrr...

I bought more spenders today. I know... i already have 30. But i just lurveeee the ones i bought recently, so i bought 5 more today. Don't ask me why.

I am just in one of those panties mode...eheks!!

Harry Potter...

I was gallavanting KLCC yesterday, this time without guilt as exams are over. Arrived at 11, had an early lunch, watched movie, browsed the shopping complex, met a friend, had dinner at Chilis, and went back way past 8. Parking cost me RM17.50 Adoi!!!

Harry Potter was scary. I can tell you that. A lot of gruesome and bloody acts, evil stuff. Not suitable for kids. Especially the ones prone to have nightmares. Even for the weak-hearted adults. If you wanna watch something not so scary, go watch Pontianak 2. Even better, Anak Mami 2.

I had an attack of migraine even before the movie started. All those sound effects made it worse. Had to buy Ponstan from the pharmacy. Took almost an hour for it to take effect. So i did not really enjoy the movie.

Next movie in line... The Chronicles of Narnia.

I have learnt to discipline myself. If there's something i don't need, do not buy it, no matter how much discount they give. It'll probably end up in those storage boxes i have, or on the rack somewhere, collecting dust. No shoes, no new clothes, no stocking up stuff. Plenty is already too much.

Need to save up. In 2 years time, i will be residing somewhere, building my dream house with terracota bricks and koi pond, with plenty of grass for my cats to roam free.

Need to lose some weight...... reeaaaalllyyyyyyy need to. I don't want to die in my 30s. Perhaps some Harry Potter magic can do the trick aye??

To all the jerks...

To all the jerks i've loved before,
Who travelled in and out my door,
I regret you came along,
I dedicate this song,
To all the jerks i've loved before.

To all the jerks who terrorize my dreams,
Who now are (or have been) someone else's hubby,
I regret you came along,
I dedicate this song...


Macam pernah ku dengar lagu ini tapi bila dan di mana ya??

The Desperate House-not-yet-a-Wife...

Been a while since I last blogged. Streamyx is back!! The modem was out of order. I told them that, but they kept saying the cable line was faulty.

I had been on leave since Saturday till this Wednesday. On leave as in, no need to do rounds over the weekend. And no scrutinizing people's eyeballs!!

The house is spick and span. I just lurveee the smell of soaps, bleach and detergents.

I managed to revamp the whole wardrobe. Kept all the ones I don’t wear anymore in storage boxes (dah tak muat... uwaaaaa!!!! Bila la nak start diet ni???). Buying a closet is just out of the question. Berat nak angkat bila pindah nanti, and takes so much space in my little apartment.

Let’s see, what else have I done…

- cleaned house
- washed windows
- washed fans – ceiling and table fans
- reorganized the storeroom
- reorganized stuff in my storage boxes, I have 10 in all sizes
- revamped clothes… winter fashion is out, summer line is in
- ironed semua baju yang ada, yang perlu di iron
- revamped shoes collection… hmmm need new ones for work laaa
- washed cushion covers, curtains, bedsheets and apa-apa lagi yang boleh dibasuh
- tidied my books, gave those I don’t need to my juniors for their exams
- re-arrange my notes, documents, files
- tidied my drawers in my room at the department
- overhauled the aircond… cost me rm200… chemical wash and all
- went to the bank, settled all credit card debts…. Dah nanoooooo Yippe!!!
- oh yeah, pestered Telekom to fix the streamyx
- paid all bills, including maintenance for the apartment till April 2006
- isi minyak kereta… now dah full tank
- spayed Yibbe…. Yeah, Yibbe dah kena sunat
- pulangkan buku library and the one loaned by the bookstore

- on Sunday, went shopping and bought some lingerieeee…. Alaaa just bras and spender. I now have 30 seluar kecik, and 15 baju kecik. Cukup stok sebulan. Mana la tahu kut takde air ke, washing machine buat hal ke… Yang peliknya, i found that i have bras of different sizes. Different brands, different cutting kut. Pastu time hormon menggelodak, water retention, PMS, menggemuk sbb makan byk due to stress eg. exam, size became bigger... Kena dieetttt!!!!!

- hantar printer/copier/scanner untuk service, then fix the other printer yang kat rumah ni

Apa lagi yek? Hmmm… lebih kurang tu la. Accomplished all that in 3 days.

Bukan apa, starting Dec 5th, I’ll be posted under a Consultant yang paling digeruni in the whole department. Even those who are now Specialists, after graduating so many years ago, still fear her. It’ll be work, work, work and more work. No time to think about other stuff.

After surviving the exams, now masuk team dia pulak. Macam keluar dari mulut buaya, masuk mulut rimau. It’s not like I’ve never worked with her before, but never as a Registar, or a senior most medical officer in the team. So more responsibilities, and noooooo screw ups. Teruk la kena dera for the next 4 months. Doing Registrar calls pun menakutkan. Kena banyak baca yassin and solat hajat nampaknya.

So, I am desperately trying to settle stuffs as much as I can before Doomsday.... eerrrkkkk!!!!.

Of Kenduri and El-Nino...

Yesterday evening, after Asar, we had a kenduri kesyukuran. Somehow, Mak misled the guests saying that I have passed all my exams. So, kena la perbetulkan. Perhaps another kenduri in a year’s time ( Kenduri nasi minyak kut.... muakakakaka).

So, I helped Mak cooked rendang daging, kuah kacang, nasi impit, kuah lodeh, and Mak also ordered kuih bengkang, agar-agar, popia, kuih koci, meehoon, pulut kuning, roti jala and kari ayam. Alhamdulillah, baki sikit je, Tak la membazir.

Orang yang datang pun dalam 40 people. Just nice. Sampai ke isyak la orang berkunjung. Macam raya pulak. The weather had been gloomy past few days. Nasib baik tak hujan masa kenduri. When most of the guests have left, baru hujan turun selebat-lebatnya. Sempat la pindahkan semua masuk dalam rumah. Kalau tak buffet kat porch je.

Those who came were my parents’ Terawikh buddies, kawan persatuan Mak, my staff nurse kat old hospital (Mak gave them English classes too and my auntie works as a matron there, so kenal la my family), neighbours, my grammies, aunties, uncle and cousins.

********************

The night before, Mak went to a dinner function meraikan wife D.O. yang dah nak transfer. Mak had been active in so many persatuan, NGOs and political ones. Almost nak bertanding jadi Ketua Wanita Bahagian but me and Abah tak kasi. Tak lekat kat rumah karang. The Datin acknowledged mak’s contribution and gave her a surprise gift (a 21 inch TV! Dunno where to put la) and more importantly a tribute to Mak.

********************

Today, kena balik KL. Jadilah 4 hari kat rumah parents. Bawak Baby je balik sini. Yang lain tinggal. Itupun bergaduh dgn Nino, kucing Abah. Tapi lama-lama jadi member, bergusti and tidur sama pulak. Nino asyik nak cium bontot Baby je. Memang Nino takde member lain selain Astro, Abah’s other male cat. Baby is a female. I guess Nino has found out, he is straight after all…. Kekekekeke.

PAS...

Errrrr...... nothing political.


Really....






Yeap... I PASSED!!!

I'm sorry this posting came late. I'm sure a few people out there have been dying to know ( A handful je la kan...). My streamyx has gone kaput. I called TmNet 3 times, and they still can't figure out what is wrong. Cheeehhh!!!!

*********************

Six of us took the exams, only 3 came out with tears of joy. It was indeed a tough, tough exam, mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. Something no one in the right mind would want to go through again. My friend H said... this was worse than labour ... and she has 3 kids.

Remember my dear friend Z? Whose husband had a girlfriend? She didn't make it. She is as competent as i am, perhaps even more knowledgeable. But luck has it that she had an uncooperative patient and a difficult case. Out of all 8 sections, she only failed in one. But exams are exams, and failing one section is failing all. My fear for her is that her husband might grow more impatient as she has to sit for the exams again in 6 months time. The reason he gave last time for falling for another woman was because she was too busy with work and studies that he felt neglected. I feel so afraid for her.

I dunno why, but when my professor gave the results to me, i just hugged her and cried. Then, I cried even more. I just couldn't stop crying that day.

I prayed hard that the examiners only asked me things that i know. It is impossible to know everything. And they did. I prayed that the cases that i get are simple enough for me, and they were. I prayed that the patients i get will be cooperative, and yes, they were fantastic patients. One even wished me good luck during the exams. I prayed hard that i'll pass, and i did...

I have to confess, that i am a last-minute person. Something that i failed to change ever since i could remember. Be it in studies, be it in anything (kahwin pun last minute la kut, kan kan??). Somehow, that adrenaline rush makes me work better or think clearer. Perhaps i work better under stress. Well, that is at least what i think of myself. But if i had studied harder, or earlier, perhaps i could have done better. Something i kept promising myself, but never achieved.... (something like losing those extra pounds la... kekekeke)

So when i passed, somehow i felt God was too kind to me. If there was a person who had to fail, it should be me instead of Z. She had sacrificed so much, plus all those emotional turmoil she had to endure regarding her husband. I felt so undeserving. Especially since i had not been His utmost pious, loyal and truthful follower. I had too many shares of mistakes and sins. I felt so ashamed. I felt so small.

Indeed, Allah itu Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani.

********************

Sitting for the exam again is like putting a halt to your life for the next 6 months. You can't enjoy movies, can't spend time outing too long, can't read something non-academic without feeling guilty, have to control onself from so many distractions, etc. etc. especially when you have failed the first time around. That was how i felt when i failed my Part 1 exams. Good luck Z, I'll always be here when you need me.

Now,

I can blog all i want

I can chat all i want

I can watch as many movies as i want

I can go dating with as many people as i want (sekoq pun tadak, nak berlagak... chaaiitt!!!)

I can read story books

I can watch VCD cetak rompak

I can watch TV.... Alias, Desperate Housewives, The OC, Lost etc. etc

I can...

I can...

I can get married.... (Oiittt!! Will you snap out of it girl!!!)

Hehehehehee...

**********************

Life is wonderful again...

Exam is over...

Finally, after a long 6 days ordeal, the exams are finally over. Pheewwwww....

Results will be out on Friday.

Wish me luck!!!

Bits and pieces...

Raya was not really raya. Celebrated only the first day, then had to come back to KL to study for the exams. Duit raya pun i passed kat my sis to give away. Masa orang tengah sibuk berhari raya, makan ketupat rendang, me duk menatap buku. Somehow the words started to dance into bunga api, lemang, and mak's rendang pedas.... uwaaaaa!!!!

********************

My kitties semua dah ok except Memeng. Still sneezing and conjunctivitis. Yibbe mata dah celik, bukan main lagi mengurat. Pastu bergaduh sampai gigi taring dia patah. Kena spay ni, but sometimes rasa tak sampai hati pulak. Baby tu betina, dah nak remaja. Karang kena sontot dek Yibbe, bertambah la kaum kerabat kat rumah ni.

********************

Yesterday was the last day of theory exams. Alhamdulillah, boleh la jawab. Tak la blank. Multiple choice questions pun boleh la jawab. Insyaallah, setakat nak lulus. In medicine, there is no such thing as first class honours, Grade A, B or C. So, orang lain yang ada first class honours tu, jangan pandang rendah. Elleeehhhh, pass setakat cukup makan ape kelasssssss... Passing is already hard enough.

So, this weekend nak pulun the clinical bit and viva pulak. Bab clinical la yang ramai stumbled. It is all about performance, and a bit of luck and of course, rezeki dari Allah. Kalau terer macam mana pun, dah ditakdirkan tak pass, ade la macam-macam obstacles nanti. But of course kena usaha. Macam my quest nak mencari jodoh la kan? Kekekekeke.... sempat gak melencong ke situ.

Anyways, gian nak memblog. Entah kenapa, my streamyx meragam pulak during the exam week. Ni pun pakai internet kat hospital, sementara tunggu my study buddies datang. Memang ada blessing in disguise. Tak la melekap kat komputer instead of studying. Tu salah satu rahmat Allah kut.

So clinical exams start on Monday till Wednesday. By Friday, results will be out.

O thy 3 well-wishers, do pray for me!!!!

Exam fever...

My exams start tomorrow. I have never felt so unprepared in my life. This was worse than Part 1, gonna be much much harder. Hope they only ask me things that i know.

Do pray for me everyone....

Tapi kalau tak pass pun, the worst thing that could happen is that i have to prolong my stay in KL for another 6 months. Then it'll be taking exams just for the experience... eheks!!

I think i'm too high on caffeine.

HEEELLPPPPPPP!!!!! I'm DOOOMMEEDDDDD!!!!

Hari Raya...

Raya was ok. As usual Mak was busy cooking. She made rendang pedas ayam ala Perak, rendang dinding, kuah kacang. Biskut raya beli je. We also tempah ketupat daun palas, and boiled ketupat nasi and nasi impit. Me tolong kupas bawang (sampai menangis tak berlagu), halia etc, ramas kacang, kacau rendang. Sambil kacau, sambil meratah... kakakakaka.

The house needed few touch-ups here and there aje. Nino, Abah's cat asyik eye my bag. Nak spray la tu. Dia pantang tengok beg, or plastic bag, siap laaaa. Hmmmm... miss my cats. Entah ape la depa buat kat rumah tu, esp. Baby. Balik nanti sure macam tongkang pecah.

**********

Pagi raya, mak and abah pi solat raya, while sis and i siapkan apa yang patut. Since Abah was coughing, i volunteered to drive the car to grammies and rumah Mak We (oiittt bukan girlfriend tau, my dad's sister yg paling tua, so panggil Mak we. We as in tueee.. geddit? geddit?? But i can never call her late husband what he should be called. Geli geleman teman weeehhhh!!!)

It was not such a bright idea. Halfway thru, my mum tiba-tiba...

Eh, dah tutup ke api kat dapur tadi? Mak ada panaskan kari.

Aiyoooo.... patah balik pi check. Pastu mak and abah duk bicker dalam kereta. Tadi baruuuu je bersalaman. Mak ni dah menopause, teramatlah sensitifnya. Abah pun dah andropause agaknye.

At my hometown, memang la banyak speed trap. And most areas, speed limitnya 60 je. Adoiiii rasa macam penyu bertelur, slow ya amat. Dah la i ada a live speedometer sitting next to me.

Haaa... kat sini tak boleh bawak laju. Ada speed trap.

Ok Bah.

Haaaaa... kasi signal.

Ye Bah.

Jangan laju sangat, kena speed trap karang.

Ok Bah.

Bawak pelan-pelan siket. Kat sini jalan dia tak rata, sempit. Nanti rosak shock absorber tu.

Ye Abah.

Adeeeiii.... Imagine la when he first taught me driving. One lesson je, then i terus pi kelas memandu.

***********

So, pagi ni dah nak balik KL. Kalau balik weekend, takut jem. Besides my cats dah 3 hari kena tinggal. Dah la kena flu belaka hari tu. Hope they are ok. Siap solat hajat, doakan kesejahteraan kucing-kucingku.

Even though it is nice to be back to the place where i grew up, i still miss my own house, my bed, my pillows, my fridge, my bathroom, my computer, my streamyx.... It is not the same as having your own bachelor pad. Can walk around naked, siapa nak peduli kan? Hehehehe... ishhh habis pahala puasa sebulan.

Hope i'll have a good journey ahead. Taaaa!!

Memoirs of that long bridge...

Driving for 3 hours straight, gave me a long time to think about stuff. The radio's blaringly loud music drowned by flashes of events and episodes in my life. Personal self reflections. The past relationships. The things and people that matter most.

Funny, how i was upset by someone, and another one cheered me up all in the same day (*i know you didn't have a clue but thanks for putting that smile back on my face, cookie*). How life is like but a roller coaster.

As i passed that long bridge, memories just flooded in. The instant it began, and the day it ended. Those special, beautiful moments. And of course the tears and heartaches.

It's time, now, to create new memories...

Pavlov...

Have you ever heard of Pavlov theory? Of "conditioned reflex"? A dog salivates whenever it hears a bell which is associated with the presence of food, even when there is no food.

I have been "conditioned" too.

Whenever a guy hurt my feelings, i will just shun him away. Shut him out. Without questions, without mercy. Some people call it cruel, some call it too clinical, some call it unfair. I call it 'cold turkey'. Yes, just like the drug addicts. Just like when you click that ignore or delete button. Take a step back, reflect, then move on. The scar won't be too deep.

Because whenever i get hurt, whenever i become gullible and be at my most fragile self, the ending has never been good on my side. The repercussion difficult to fathom. The effects, cling to me far too long. It is like cancer, slowly eating me from within.

But it is never as simple as that, is it?

Avoid! Avoid! Avoid!

Why dive into troubled waters?

Someone said, i do not appreciate what i already have, instead concentrating too much on things i don't. Maybe that person is right. Why dwell on relationships, when it was doomed from the very beginning or there never had been one in the first place? Why make a fuss with a so-called friend, when that person treats you like just an entity in cyberspace?

In pavlov theory, he stimulated the dog many times in order to condition it.

I was hurt, many times, far too many.


I think i just heard the bell ringing again...

DeepaRaya...

To everyone,

Gulai lomak ikan keli,
Happy Deepavali...

Asam pedas ikan pari,
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri...

Masak stim ikan patin,
Maaf zahir dan batin...

Pucuk ubi gulai tempoyak,
Kasi duit raya jangan sampai koyak...

Ulam-ulaman cicah budu,
Di jalanraya jangan pandu laju.

Ewahhh!!!...