Rainbow...My Foot

The operation theatre (OT) where i stab humans eyes, is very cold.

Therefore, i wear socks.

I like colourful socks because they de-stress me and add colours to the OT.

I will be singing.... happy shiny people.... in them rainbow socks

I have chubby cheeks and stubby toes

I wear black OT shoes to avoid sharp objects like needles and scalpels from falling and hurting my feet.

But i do get stepped on my toes, far too often.

And when that happens, the colourful socks, lose their rainbows...

HOD...

It was about 6 months ago, when I was transferred here. I have gazetted, and am now a full-fledged Specialist with a license to korek bijik mata orang… muahahahahahar!!! Ok ok… that was my version of Jangan Pandang Belakang.

I was glad that I was away from the hustle and bustle of KL. There is more room to breathe here. And of course, more time to do some self-reflections and yes, lotsa berangan-angan.

After so long, I have to admit that I have become a bit complacent. Pergi kerja lenggang kangkung. Punch card right at the dot of 8am and 5pm. Lunch hour till 2.30pm, sempat afternoon nap on Fridays. For a s...l...u...g...g....i.....s......h me, it was a bliss.

Little did I know, that peace of mind was abruptly disrupted when my boss got his transfer back to his hometown and yes, yours truly is the heiress next in line.

I do not mind the clinical work, even if that means catering for half of the population of Pahang and doing my two weekly visits to other districts which are at least an hour plus drive from here. But what really bogs me down is the administrative work.

I attended a budget seminar, then the medical advisory council meeting and today, a seminar on auditing. All that within a space of just a week. There are so many courses down the line, credentialing for my paramedics, visits to other hospitals, ISO9000, accreditation…….

Maaaannnnn. I did not slaughter myself for 10 years in med school to end up doing all these.

I am not a hospital administrator. Someone else should be doing all these non-clinical work. But being the Head of my unit, it is inevitable.

So today, I brought home stacks of files to go through so that I won’t look foolishly bewildered the next time someone mention ISO9000 etc.

The extra responsibilities only come with more liabilities, more hairs being pulled out, higher blood pressure and more wrinkles on my forehead.

My birthday is not till October, but I already feel like 40….. uurrrgghhhhh...

Head of department? Yeah right.... Off with the head!!!!

Dead Poet Society...

I love poems. Someone sent me one. I do not want to lose it in haloscan, so this one is a keeper.


Melady Marina:

A gift for you.

Forgive me if this is too long, it is the only way I know to show repect and awe to thoughts of a friend in this intangible plane.

Seeing Blind

Hello,
I am new here,
I came from a land of the bewildered,
I have no friends nor lover.

Would you come closer to this tired traveler,
so that I can see you a little bit clearer,
please do not have no fear,
as I am a paralized blind from ear to ear,
a gift i got from me deeds in the coming years,
as a sentinel for devilish deers.

Now, now, do not be wary,
as a blind could never see,
therefore I could never pinch your little tootsy,
like what the demonic diety did to me,
so there is nothing for you to worry.

What is that you said in me hands you see?
that makes your head go weepity wee,
ahh, no, no, don't you go awry,
I'll tell you of the things I brought with me,
so you'll see a what a blind man sees.

A wand in my left and and a torch in me right hand,
is much appropriate for a blinded man,
one for shining the routes to thid land,
the other for telling an enemy from a friend.

A straight line crossed with a cresent on my neck,
a sign of me religous pack,
an order of sinning saints,
who seeks the pleasures of pain,
in hope one day I will again,
be a saintly sinner who preaches out pious blasmephemies,
making me an enemy of the blasphemous piety.

As for this coarse velvet that I wore,
I know it is an eye sore,
but it is a precious gift from me lady whore,
who reminds me we are whoring ladies,
who love to be barbaric gentlemen,
and kill gentlemen barbaricly.

Worry not child,
as i am blind as a blind could be,
and all I know is the darkness that in it you be,
it is the light that helps me see.

demonsinme


Dear poet,

Blindness is a state
Of unseeing
Of unknowing
Even when the eyes are wide opened…

Blinded heart
Hurts but doesn’t bleed
Laughs but cries in silence
Speaks but speechless

In the darkness sometimes
Lights playing tricks
Deceiving the foolish mind

I am just as blinded as you
Seeing miracles, I thought were true…

When the harsh of reality
Struck that chord of sanity
When things you see
Not what they supposed to be

Then I wish I am blind
May I have a peaceful mind

Blindness is a state
Of unseeing
Of unknowing
Perhaps, that’s the best thing…

Jalan-jalan (part 1)...

Recently, I went to Kota Kinabalu to attend a Malaysia-Singapore conference. The registration was free, since I am a society member (no.. not Klu Klux Klan, okkkk….). The accommodation at Pacific Sutera Harbour was fully sponsored. I only had to pay for the MAS flight tickets (tak kuasa nak naik Air Asia). Economy class je la kan. Itu pun ambik yang supersaver.

But during the journey back, I was given a business class seat. Why??

1. Because I made a pitiful puppy-got-lost face

2. Because I threw a tantrum, golek2 on the airport floor, kicking and screaming and tarik2 rambut

3. Because I flirted with the captain and did the poco poco dance with him

4. Because I am pretty and irresistible

5. Because I am a doctor

6. Because I did a striptease in front of the ticketing male officer

7. Because economy class was full

8. As a courtesy to gomen officers like me

9. Because they were scared shit when I told them a very gruesome story on how I korek bijik mata orang

10. Because they just felt like it

11. Because I deserve it

12. Because I smell like a pussy


Please choose one of the above. If you know me, you’ll know which answer is correct…

Welcome home...

Has it been that long? THAT long?

Almost 6 months. That’s half year. And many, many days.

My readers (the very few ones), are probably wondering...


Maybe I was abducted by the ‘ikan patin’ cult…

Maybe I got lost in the dense jungles of Pahang…

Maybe I decided to change my ways and live with the Orang asli...

Maybe I had lost ‘it’… you know…. ‘it’…

Maybe just plain lazy…

Maybe i couldn't be bothered anymore to share my mundane, insignificant life with anyone else...


No matter what excuse…

I have not forgotten my blog


As I read the archives,

is like being in a movie,

like flipping through the family album…


Where it all started, and when it all ended…

Familiar faces, familiar sounds, those smell, those smiles…

The heart aches, the victories…


Like... rujuk semula lepas cerai talak satu

Blog is like your home...

That home where you grew up in

Where your dried blood still stuck on the cement floor when you scratched your knee while trying to catch that stray cat with mak's freshly fried ikan bawal in his mouth...

Where your old cupboard, with your old clothes that mom refused to throw away because she didnt want you to grow up, still neatly folded...

Where behind the bed, is your pre-pubertal writings on the wall saying you had a crush on Michael J Fox during his Family Ties days...

That bed where you first dream a beautiful dream...

That dilapidated Raleigh bicycle that first taught you of independence and freedom...

That many things...

That tell you, you have lived...

I miss my home...

I miss my blog...

So, i am here again...