On Tuesday, 4th of July 2006, at about 10.15am, Yibbe breathe his final breath.
As I just began my battle in this foreign land of heat and paddy fields, my beloved Yibbe finally had lost his own.
I was devastated. I felt like I have lost a piece of myself…
A week before I left to North, Yibbe showed some signs of improvement and both sis and me thought he was getting better. He was eating his food and biscuits. He looked alert when called.
He followed me to the door like the usual mornings when he would send me off to work. Previously as a morning routine, when he was healthier, he would accompany me out the door and walked by my side till I reach the car. Then he would walk back to the house, once I drove off.
On Saturday morning, he walked outside, actually staggered, due to his weak and thin body. He rolled on the cement floor and walked to me slowly when I called him. He could not see well, but he could smell me. He rubbed his nose against my legs. I let him out because he had been cooped up in the house far too long. My sis and I thought some sun and fresh air would do him some good. We never thought that it would be his last time to smell nature. His eyesight had long failed him.
On the next day before I left for AS, I took Yibbe to the vet, hoping that they could take better care of him while I am gone. I planned to come back in 2 weeks time for the course in KL. Hopefully he would be healthier and I could leave him at home with sis.
But Yibbe was not eating too well. My sis and I had to force feed him with the spoon. I was worried. But work was calling, and I had no choice.
The vets were wonderful. I have known a few quite well. They told me that Yibbe did not look too good, but they assured me that he would be taken good care of. Yibbe was clinging on to me. My arms and wrists were numbed from holding him.
Yibbe was a big cat and he still had some strength left despite of his thin, weak body. He was so thin that I could feel his every bones. He weighed 4.6kg when he was healthy, then 4kg after the Parvovirus infection. When we weighed him again, he was only 3.5kg. He lost 0.5kg just within a month, which was a bad sign. He was also very pale and dehydrated.
I left him with a very heavy heart. I kissed him goodbye, hugged him and put him in the cage. I left my kaftan with him, so that he would still feel at home. According to my sis, he held on to the kaftan, burying his face and nose into it, even to his very last moments.
I drove 500km that Sunday. Through 5 states. The journey that should take 5 hours, I managed at 4.5 hours, that including 4 stops, 2 for nature’s call, another 2 for gas…. where I was almost lost trying frantically to look for a gas station as the petrol indicator almost reached E.
It was my longest drive, and my fastest ever. I was doing 150km/hr almost all along the highway.
Dear God, please do not let me get a speeding ticket.
I was bawling my eyes out during the journey. Driving that fast with tears streaming down my cheeks, I know, was not a sane thing to do. But I was so worried of Yibbe and I was already missing him.
When I reached AS, I had to look for the hospital. I had to reach the office by 4 to arrange for my accommodation. I was only aided by the signboards. My friend who works there was in the OT, so she could not be reached.
I reached HAS for the first time. It is an old hospital, though a few blocks are new. It was a far cry from HUKM. I did not expect it to be anything near HUKM of course. But I was still shocked. I could not believe what I have gotten myself into.
I finally got a room at the houseman quarters. Then I decided to have a look at another room which was in a rented house, shared by some staff at the hospital. I thought i may need some human company so that i won't go insane. I opted for the houseman quarters as there was more privacy, cleaner and it was totally free.
Then I had to look for other stuff like mop, broom, small table, a book rack, toiletries etc. I was going round the town in circles. I finally settled down at nightfall. Cleaned up the room and made it as comfortable as possible.
It was so damned hot. It felt as if the fans (there were 2 fans, one is my table fan and another is the ceiling fan) were blowing hot air. I was exhausted but I had a hard time sleeping, probably because of the heat, or maybe the 4 cans of Nescafe I drank to keep me awake during the long drive, or maybe I was worrying and missing Yibbe. I slept on the floor around 2am, waking up a couple of times in between.
First day at work, I had another culture shock. Yeah, things are totally different. Gone were the days of fully air-conditioned workplace, clean toilets, good facilities, a variety of good food, etc. Here the people are more laid-back, the weather is hot, hot, hot, the toilets are… errr… not really clean. And for the first time I found a Hospital without its own canteen. Instead there is a ‘medan selera’ next to it that caters for both patients and medical staff. If I regard some eateries in KL are not hygienic, this is worse. And these places are well-known as typhoid area. But I can’t be eating on KFC and McDonalds alone can I?
That night, I had a call from the vet. Yibbe’s condition had worsened. He was very weak, very anaemic and he wanted me to prepare for the worst. Yibbe was not himself anymore. He refused to eat. He looked lost and depressed. And he was not responding to the medication. A blood transfusion was the last resort and I kept my fingers crossed.
I cried. And I cried hard. I was so sad and worried. I even called that someone and poured my heart out. If you read this, thank you for listening. It was a good thing I opted for that room, I was bawling my eyes out all night long. I did not need anyone to pry and ask too many questions.
I called my sis and told her the news in between sobs. I could not take leave on the next day as I had just reached AS. So I asked her to see Yibbe for the last time. So that he would not feel like we have abandoned him.
At first sis was reluctant. But she finally went the next morning. She even missed her class. She was the one who rescued Yibbe when he was a kitten, so she told me that she felt obligated to see him for the last time.
She called me at work, crying. Yibbe looked so ill. He was so pale and weak, much worse than the day I left him there. When she called him, he opened his mouth, trying to make a sound but couldn’t. The thing that saddened her most was when Yibbe tried to go towards her at the cage door. He recognized her voice but since he was so weak, he could not get up. Instead, he dragged his body till his nose touched my sister’s hands. Seeing that, my sis almost broke down.
And Yibbe was still holding on to my kaftan...
My sis and I were both crying on the phone. After discussing with the vet, we decided to end it all. No more medications, no more needles and drips. At first we thought of taking him home and letting him die peacefully at home. But he refused to eat or drink and that’ll make him suffer even more.
So, we decided to put him to sleep.
That was the hardest decision I have ever made. What frustrated me most was that I was unable to be there, to hold Yibbe for the last time, to hug him and kiss him goodbye. All my cats that had died, died naturally. This is the first time I had to put down a cat. And I felt so rotten inside.
I asked Abah, and he too agreed that we made the right decision for Yibbe.
Please dear God, forgive me…
I cried long and hard when I got home. Suddenly I felt so alone. I cried when I looked at his picture on my handphone. I cried when I saw his picture on my laptop. He was so cute and healthy back then. I cried as I wrote this.
He was not just a cat. He was our cat, our baby. Part of the family.
Yibbe…
it had been 4 days now,
and Mommy is missing you,
more than ever…
