Rock Bottom...

I am tired.

I am depressed.

I am feeling at the lowest of the low... rock bottom.

Yesterday, daytime was busy with work, then class, then group discussion. I think the nearer towards exam, the more unprepared i feel. I have this feeling, i can't make it in this exam. I am just not ready.

Then, rushed to the cafeteria to finish up my food coupons. Almost expired. Only bought some drinks. The food looked terrible. Then, stopped by at another cafe to buy bread and kuih. Still had an hour before breaking fast, so stopped by at the supermarket to buy some groceries. The fridge was practically empty. Then realised it was like 25 minutes more, i didn't have time to cook anything. So stopped by at pasar ramadhan and bought 2 packets of chicken rice.

Rushed home.

Sinki sumbat... THAT welcomed me home.

Oh maannnnn...

After breaking fast, i tried to fix the sink. I was wet all over, the kitchen floor was flooded with stinking water. I was at it for almost an hour. I sat on the wet floor in frustration. But of course, i fixed it in the end. Then, had to clean the kitchen, mop the floor, washed the dishes, washed the fish, chicken etc before stuffing them in the fridge. Took out the trash. Cleaned the litter. Laundry.

In the end, i was so tired. Only had my shower at 10:30pm. How come i am doing all these? I should be studying.

I am tired of doing almost everything.

I am tired of thinking whether or not there is food on the table. Whether there is enough money this month to pay the bills. How to fix the leaking sink. How much more cat food left in the store room. When to service the car. Why does it start making funny noise?

I am tired. So damn tired.

I wish someone could do all those for me for a change. Maybe not all, but perhaps some of it.

Tried to talk to someone whom i thought could cheer me up. Everyone else was not available at that hour, they were with their husbands, kids, families. It was not of much help either. I felt even more depressed. I forgot that the person was not available too. I was just a pest, being selfish. No, i did not want my misery to be contagious. Everyone has a problem of their own.

I wish i could talk to someone. Pour my heart out. Is it wrong to be negative sometimes? I am just a human. I cannot be positive, happy, cheerful 24/7.

Is there somebody out there?

Someone?

Anyone??......