A not-so-merry Christmas...

Dear Santa,

I have been a bad person.

And i am ashamed of myself...

From the time of the last evisceration, I have done another. Usually one gets to do it perhaps once or twice a year. Not that many patients require that destructive procedure. I had the opportunity to do 2 in just a month.

My friend H’s father, had a myocardial infarction. His second, and developed another whilst in the ward. He had a 50-50 chance. If it was not because his son is the Specialist in the A&E Department where he was admitted, and 2 daughters whom are both medical doctors, his chances would be slimmer. With 3 of them around, everything was done fast… extra fast, to the hospital’s standard of course. He is better now after the angiogram and the stenting.

We do have one of the best medical facilities in South East Asia. But we are no ER or Chicago Hope. There is still much room for improvements… much, much more.

H was supposed to be on-call, but I swapped with her at the last minute. I didn’t think she would be in the correct mind to work what with her father so near at death’s door. What are friend’s for? Hence, my second evisceration.

Last night, H was on-call again. She is also a new registrar like me. We have promised each other to help out in case of difficulties. But I failed her last night.

She called me at 10.45pm. I didn’t hear the phone which was in my bag. I am a heavy sleeper. Could sleep like a log. Whenever I am on-call, I usually put the pager or phone right next to me. So that I won’t miss any beep or ring.

H had to SOS S, a more senior registrar. He is the kindest, most gentleman, helpful person I have ever met. I would have married him any day, without the usual hullabaloos. Unfortunately someone already beat me to it.

I felt bad. Smsed H but she still hadn't return my sms. Probably sleeping since the operation was done at the wee hours, from 3am till 6am.

I have always been a loner. Even at school, when girls walk around in groups, I would be alone minding my own business.

I don’t have many friends. Many were lost especially once they got married. Those I can count on are just a handful, including H. After tonight, perhaps the list is even shorter.

I guess no Christmas presents for me this year…

Cannibalingus...

Warning!!!!

This is not for the weak hearted.

Nor children below the age of 18.


If you have not had your lunch or dinner yet, better do so before you proceed.



Don't say i didn't warn you...


Are you sure???


You wanna proceed?? Do you? Do you???


Ada yang nightmare karangggg... haaaaa... tak tahuuuu!!!


Suit youself.........

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The evisceration that i did...

Those were my hands. See how red the eyeball was? It was infected.

That orangey bit was the patient's lens.

Tengah korek the gooey stuff in the eyeball... Muahahahahar!!!

Can you see that gooey stuff on the gauze??

Haaaaaaa..... ni close up.

The hollow eyeball. Haa... siapa yang nak tengok sangat tadi?? I warned you didn't i??

That powdery stuff is antibiotic powder which i stuffed into the eyeball before i stitched it up.

Amacam, best tak? Gross tak? Scary tak?? Kekekekeke...

Hannibal Lecter... eat your heart out!!!

Frozen Albino...

Time flies so fast. It had been a week since I last entered anything in my blog. A lot of things had happened.

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A famous blogger got caught … wet… with a famous tv personality. I think many was fooled, thought that they were blood related.

Met that someone again… Unfortunately, work was too demanding, physically and mentally. Could only offer 2 hours of my time. I hope he appreciates that.

Family members came over to my house… all 20 odd of them. Cooked macaroni, mushroom soup (ala Campbell je), toasted garlic bread, fried some French fries (tak tahu which bit yang frenchnya) and soya cincau….. licinnnnnn!!!!

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Today, I did cataract operation on an 81 year old patient, with THE BOSS! Boss is the Guru of cataract operation, although she only operates the conventional way. Hers is as fast as 25minutes. Mine was 1hour 10 minutes. The fastest I had ever done was 50minutes.

My hands were trembling, with her breathing on my neck and scrutinizing every step. Yang betul pun jadi salah. Terketar-ketar macam kena Parkinson. How to do microsurgery with tremors la??? Nasib baik takde complications.

Those yang buat op dgn dia semua ketar. Memang la dewan bedah tu sejuk. Tapi bila dia ade, semua membeku. My junior nak cut suture pun ketar. There was another complicated case that took 2 hours. Sape lagi yang kena assist? Me laaaaa, yang lain semua nyorok belakang. Takut. Nasib baik masa tu mood dia ok, siap boleh gelak ketawa. Adeeeiiii… roller coaster betul. Maybe she’s perimenopausal.

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Work has been very,very demanding. I go to work at 7am, and I reach home at 7pm. Day in and day out. Tak nampak matahari langsung. I think by the end of this 4 months, I will be fairer than the Albinos.

Kassim Selamat...

Today, I korek bijik mata orang. No, not Kassim Selamat style. But korek… as in korek. Literary.

It is called… evisceration.

One remove the content of the eyeball, but leaving the scleral coat (that white part of the eye) intact. So, the eye tu tak la kemek sangat. Korek using a spoon.

The patient had panophthalmitis. Siapa yang rajin tu, pi la cari meaning dia. In layman term, the eyeball was infected and could not be saved anymore. Kira macam orang kencing manis kaki dah gangrene la, kena amputate. Haaa... something like that.

It was gross, disgusting. The eyeball kept bleeding. There was so much pus inside, some of it had consolidated. The anaesthetist who gave gas tu pun tak lalu nak tengok. But to me, it was fun and I was having a ball (no pun intended). Kekekekeke…. Eh... Kijam kah daku?? Tapi memang la sympathize kat patient tu kan. And it is something i have to learn to do in my line of work.

My boss let me do the procedure all by myself, but she was watching like a hawk. Berpeluh la jugak ketiak. Just imagine, pukul 6.30 pagi dah sampai hospital. Baca buku dulu. Pukul 7 buat round. Pukul 8 masuk dewan bedah. We had 7 cases today. My evisceration was the last one. Pukul 7 malam baru habis. Bukannya boleh duduk, sepanjang hari on my feet. Adooiiii... varicose vein la macam ni.

Ala kasiimmmm....

Yibbe the hensem eunuch...

Today i bought nasi beriyani with honey chicken for break fast. Yibbe ate the left over rice. I found out that he has a penchant for curry and spicy food. First, he licked my fingers. Then he kept nudging the styrofoam filled with rice and honey chicken gravy. I let him have a little. Banyak sangat nanti cirit pulak anak jantan sekor ni.

Then, i closed the box and refused to let him have more. I think he got angry and peed on my lap. Yibbe sprayed on my lap with his clean shaven nuts (post castration... uish sounds like Emperor of China punya eunuch pulak... i mean post vasectomy).

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Talking about vasectomy... why is it ok for women tu have tubal ligation in order not to have anymore children, whilst it is sssooooooo not ok for a man to have a vasectomy? It is the best form of contraception compared to other methods like coitus interruptus.

Dah la yang pompuan teruk kena bawak anak 9 bulan, nak bersalin rasa macam nak mati, nak contraception pun pompuan gak yang kena korban. Bila suruh makan pil, berat badan naik, dah tak solid, laki jugak pi cari pompuan lain. Bila pakai intrauterine device, ada risk of infection, pastu pompuan kena seluk lagi sekali, malu laaaaa. Pastu kalau nak buat tubal ligation, pompuan kena endure major operation. Padahal vasectomy tu external je.

Reason?? Lelaki tak nak vasectomy because even if he had completed his family, mana la tahu kut tergatal nak cari pompuan lain, then he is still capable of reproduction, and menabur benih-benih ke tanah yang subur.

Whaddaya think??

The Calling of Nangka...

Yesterday was my first call as a registrar. I was scared shit...

It was like going thru another exam, without the proper black and white written questions or nerve wrecking ticking minutes of waiting to be summoned to face the examiners. Being the registrar is equivalent to being a junior specialist where one makes own decision in managing a patient. At this level, mistakes are intolerable and unforgivable. Especially stupid ones.

The day before my first call, I was down with flu and fever. I was coughing my lungs out. My nose was blocked, so had to breathe thru my mouth. I looked like a blowfish. The anti-histamines and cough suppressant really knocked me out. I slept like a log the whole night. My sputum was yellow. I was coughing out pus.

The next morning, with the same dose of medications, I was praying hard not to misjudge or err carelessly. Can’t blame it on the meds, can i? As I got out from the car, I felt groggy, lost my balance and GEDEBUK… fell on the tar-coated road, with a thud, which sounded like a very, very ripe nangka. Luckily, there was no one around. My right knee was grazed and bled. I was still able to walk without a limp though. I think my ego was more bruised than my kneecap at that very moment. But a gal gotta do, what a gal gotta do. Work!!

What a way to start the first call…