Once broken....

I have been through a lot of relationships. Though, none of them work out, we did not part screaming at each other's faces. We did not say vulgar words to each other. We simply said our goodbyes and get on with our lives. If we are to meet again, it will be as strangers.

I have never been abusive, never physically, never verbally. I think i have a soft and gentle heart that cries for the animals they put down in SPCA, for the smiling faces of the lonely old couple who enjoyed the taste of mee goreng mamak and ice-cream for the first time in 3 years (Bersamamu programme at TV3 yesterday). I talk politely especially to older people. I call older women kakak, makcik and men, abang (well, not that often coz it usually becomes a misinterpretation of me trying to flirt with them), pakcik, ah so, auntie, uncle etc etc.

But when i be nice to others, i expected others to be nice to me. When i act politely to others, even among those who do not concern me ie. taxi drivers, makcik who sells goreng pisang, the cashier at jayajusco... i expected others to act politely to me too. Even in the midst of an argument, or a heightened conversation. Yes, at 32, i am still naive like that.

My principle in life is.. do unto others, what you want others do unto you. And yes, i was wrong. Man.... oh man... was i wrong.

For hours, i had to listen to arrogantly spoken speech, carefully twisted explanation, details and details of defensive justification and harsh words. I was too dumbfounded, too dazed... coming from someone who had promised the world to me.

I felt crushed. I felt like being in the darkest place, crouching, hiding behind the shadows, like an injured animal. The sweet words uttered before, felt tasteless now. The jokes not humourous. The promises meaningless. It has come back to square one. Back to A... back to alif.

Was it all a waste of time? The emotional torment. The effort, the energy spent. The roller coaster feelings. Am i too sensitive, or the other party is just too oblivious?

Why does something so right, felt so wrong?

I shan't cry no more.

I have no more tears to shed.....

Nice to touch, nice to hold

Once broken.....