Welcome 2006...

I know. It has been 21 days into the new year and I have not written a single word. Streamyx is partly to be blamed, my cloned desktop with its faulty internet card and oh yes, pure laziness.

A lot have happened of course…

I slept early on New Year’s eve, but woke up just in time to watch the fireworks from the window of my apartment. My block overlooks KLCC. The panorama at night is breathtaking… even without the fireworks.

(Ijun... pinjam gambar ye)

It was déjà vu all over again. Despite all that had happened, on New Year’s eve, I was alone. Still alone. Just like last year, and the year before.

Between the singing from the New Year’s concert on television, the thundering sounds from the fireworks, and my own sobbing, I was swept with emotions.

I felt down, depressed. I know sometimes I tend to over react. It was not PMS for sure. It was an indescribable feeling of helplessness, of vulnerability, of insecurity. Wanting things to be different, wishing for the possible but far from reach.

What is happiness, if you can’t see that same smile and sparkles in the other person’s eyes? What is success, if you can’t share it with someone that matters? What is pleasure, if you can’t enjoy it without any guilt? What is contentment, if you can’t satisfy but keep demanding for more instead?

More questions asked, than answered.

Perhaps this year, I could find the answer.

Maybe this year, I shall stop asking.

Happy New Year everyone…