Murder... She Wrote
On tuesday, i became a cat killa!!
As i was driving home from work, amongst the busy traffic, trying to figure out all the troubles and complications i`m succumbing into, between waking and mind-body-total shutdown after a bad day at work, a cat decided to cross the road.
As i was doing 60km per hour, it was too late to brake. I saw the cat, but my reaction was too slow. All i could do was gasped and clenched on my steering wheel. I heard 'gedeguk' under the tyre. I almost screamed. Should i stop?? I wouldn`t dare. Then from my side mirror, i saw the cat scampering off to the other side of the road, looked a bit wobbly though. Maybe i just rolled over the tail or something?? I dunno. I was too shocked and traumatized.
I love cats. I adore cats. I think i love animals, more than i love humans. I can stand watching people suffer on CNN. But I cry watching National Geographic. I cried when Simba`s father died in Lion King. I have that soft spot for god`s furry creatures.
Man is given brain to think, so that he can fend for himself and his loved ones. But animals are helpless creatures. They sometimes become the victim of human`s cruelty.
As for me, it was an ACCIDENT. But i felt so bad. And it rained later on. That poor cat. If it is still alive, it must be in pain, in agony. What if it died an agonizing death? What if it become crippled?
I have had so many cats, i can`t remember all of their names. The longest living cat was Momot. I remembered her greying fur, how her eyes lit up everytime when abah came back from the market with fresh fish, how she waited for all her babies to finish eating before she finished off what`s left in the food bowl. I found her amongst mak`s flower pots on one rainy day. She was a frail, tiny kitten then, as big as my palm. I took her in. She gobbled some fried egg and milk. Then she started following me around. Then, she stayed, for a good 10 years. She had babies. And her babies, had babies. Few died earlier than her. When momot got sick, at that few ending days, she kept disappearing. Then finally, she never came back. She died at our neighbour`s house. She knew her time had come, and she refused to let us be sad for her. I took her name as my e-mail address, to remember her by.
Then, there was Tambi. I know tambi is what you call an indian boy. She`s a female cat. There was not a single hair on her that was not black. Thus the name Tambi. She was a very affectionate cat. But she had babies far too young. All of her babies died. She didn`t know how to take care of them. And her vaginal wound got infected. I was busy with work, so was abah and mak. Adik was away in KL. When i finally saw the wound, it was septic. The vet was closed at that hour. I brought home some medicine from the hospital. I asked mak to take her to the vet on the next day. But i noticed that she was getting weak. That night, she tried to go out into the verandah. I saw her hiding behind the flower pot. It was late, and cold. I took her in and wrapped her in a towel. Her breathing was laboured, and her eyes had lost its' lustre. I knew then, Tambi was dying. I stroked her head. Her ears and nose felt cold. I felt helpless. I cried. Oh god, please take her now, as i didn`t want her to suffer. I held her close to me, as her breath became shallower, and finally she became still. I cried so hard. I felt so guilty. Why was i so ignorant? What if i had taken her to the vet earlier? What if i had noticed the septic wound earlier?? What if?? What if? I`m a doctor for god`s sake. I can`t even save the life of a cat?? I felt like i`ve murdered someone.
It was that deja vu` feeling again.
I know sometimes things are unavoidable. But what if i drove a little slower? What if the cat stopped in the middle of the road? What if i saw the cat sooner? What if??
There are so many 'what ifs' in our lives...
What if i have never met him? What if i didn`t fall in love? What if he is single? What if i am not a doctor?
Dear God,
Please forgive me, for all the lives lost due to my ignorance, my incapabilities, my flaws, my lack of knowledge, my insensitivities. Hope they will forgive me and welcome me to the gardens of heaven.
May your souls rest in peace.... momot, tambi, and all those cats who had once been part of my life.
I hugged Misha, Memeng and Yibbe a little tighter today...
As i was driving home from work, amongst the busy traffic, trying to figure out all the troubles and complications i`m succumbing into, between waking and mind-body-total shutdown after a bad day at work, a cat decided to cross the road.
As i was doing 60km per hour, it was too late to brake. I saw the cat, but my reaction was too slow. All i could do was gasped and clenched on my steering wheel. I heard 'gedeguk' under the tyre. I almost screamed. Should i stop?? I wouldn`t dare. Then from my side mirror, i saw the cat scampering off to the other side of the road, looked a bit wobbly though. Maybe i just rolled over the tail or something?? I dunno. I was too shocked and traumatized.
I love cats. I adore cats. I think i love animals, more than i love humans. I can stand watching people suffer on CNN. But I cry watching National Geographic. I cried when Simba`s father died in Lion King. I have that soft spot for god`s furry creatures.
Man is given brain to think, so that he can fend for himself and his loved ones. But animals are helpless creatures. They sometimes become the victim of human`s cruelty.
As for me, it was an ACCIDENT. But i felt so bad. And it rained later on. That poor cat. If it is still alive, it must be in pain, in agony. What if it died an agonizing death? What if it become crippled?
I have had so many cats, i can`t remember all of their names. The longest living cat was Momot. I remembered her greying fur, how her eyes lit up everytime when abah came back from the market with fresh fish, how she waited for all her babies to finish eating before she finished off what`s left in the food bowl. I found her amongst mak`s flower pots on one rainy day. She was a frail, tiny kitten then, as big as my palm. I took her in. She gobbled some fried egg and milk. Then she started following me around. Then, she stayed, for a good 10 years. She had babies. And her babies, had babies. Few died earlier than her. When momot got sick, at that few ending days, she kept disappearing. Then finally, she never came back. She died at our neighbour`s house. She knew her time had come, and she refused to let us be sad for her. I took her name as my e-mail address, to remember her by.
Then, there was Tambi. I know tambi is what you call an indian boy. She`s a female cat. There was not a single hair on her that was not black. Thus the name Tambi. She was a very affectionate cat. But she had babies far too young. All of her babies died. She didn`t know how to take care of them. And her vaginal wound got infected. I was busy with work, so was abah and mak. Adik was away in KL. When i finally saw the wound, it was septic. The vet was closed at that hour. I brought home some medicine from the hospital. I asked mak to take her to the vet on the next day. But i noticed that she was getting weak. That night, she tried to go out into the verandah. I saw her hiding behind the flower pot. It was late, and cold. I took her in and wrapped her in a towel. Her breathing was laboured, and her eyes had lost its' lustre. I knew then, Tambi was dying. I stroked her head. Her ears and nose felt cold. I felt helpless. I cried. Oh god, please take her now, as i didn`t want her to suffer. I held her close to me, as her breath became shallower, and finally she became still. I cried so hard. I felt so guilty. Why was i so ignorant? What if i had taken her to the vet earlier? What if i had noticed the septic wound earlier?? What if?? What if? I`m a doctor for god`s sake. I can`t even save the life of a cat?? I felt like i`ve murdered someone.
It was that deja vu` feeling again.
I know sometimes things are unavoidable. But what if i drove a little slower? What if the cat stopped in the middle of the road? What if i saw the cat sooner? What if??
There are so many 'what ifs' in our lives...
What if i have never met him? What if i didn`t fall in love? What if he is single? What if i am not a doctor?
Dear God,
Please forgive me, for all the lives lost due to my ignorance, my incapabilities, my flaws, my lack of knowledge, my insensitivities. Hope they will forgive me and welcome me to the gardens of heaven.
May your souls rest in peace.... momot, tambi, and all those cats who had once been part of my life.
I hugged Misha, Memeng and Yibbe a little tighter today...
posted by marina at 5:54 PM
I absolutely LOVEEEEEE your blog! Keep it up :-)
Hi. Tell me something, in Islam, what happens to an animal e.g. cats after they die? thanks.
They all go to heaven...
Marina, my darling. Only ten animals are listed to go to heaven. Among them are one dog, the one that guarded the Ten Sleepers (Ashabul Kahfi). Also, the camel of Prophet Salleh, the one that was killed by his followers. And many others, but only numbered ten.
As animals do not have what we called ruh, and are not responsible for their wrongdoings (killing, maiming, eating other animals or humans), they are not held accountable during the Day of Judgment.
We, humans, on the other hands, are responsible for our actions, and are thus judged accordingly.
Ohhh gitu ye Tok??
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