Woman To Woman....
Saturday was a half day`s work that ended at 1pm. Then went out to lunch with one of my best friend. I`ve known her for like 13 years now, ever since matriculation. After 7 years of marriage, and 2 kids, she is in the midst of a major marital problem. The husband she knew for as long as i`ve known her, had feelings for another girl. They had been smsing, and secretly seeing each other, behind her back. Even after she had found out, and even after he had promised not to see the girl again.
Is it true that men are capable of loving more than one woman at the same time? If they could, is the love as passionate as the other?? as fiery?? as everlasting??
Her husband knew, he could not afford another, but why did he continue? She was hurt as they already had prenuptial agreement against polygamy. She blamed herself for not taking 'good care' of her husband... with work, two kids, studies, parents to take care of, she`s swamped.
Z: Sometimes i`m just too tired. I didn`t even kiss him goodnight.
Me: But you can`t blame everything on yourself dear. He should understand. You`re doing all this to help lessen his burden, so that you guys can afford to buy a house, pay for 2 cars, send the kids to good schools....
Z: I know. I told him i`m not superwoman. After work, he expect me to be the perfect wife, do the household chores, cook, take care of him, take care of the kids.... Even with a maid around, sometimes it`s too overwhelming...
Me: He ain`t that perfect husband either...
Nobody is perfect. No marriage is perfect. Nothing is perfect in this world.
Me: What if he can`t forget the girl? and decide to proceed further? ( Am i being too inquisitive?? )
Z: (Pause) I`ll ask him to let me go.
Me: Whaaattt?? ( the veins on my temple almost popped out) You mean... divorce??
Z: I don`t think i can share him with someone else...
Me: So... you`d rather be called 'janda' and risk your kids losing their father, than share him with another woman?? ( suddenly, the cafe felt claustrophobic)
Z: Yeah, something like that. I felt so betrayed. Even now, I dunno if i could trust him anymore.. ( i could see tears in her eyes)
Me: But.... but... ( i was loss for words)
How could i say comforting words to her?... when i`m almost in the same situation, almost. Even if the other party agrees, will i cause too much damage that no medicine in this world can give cure, not even slightest relief?
Will i be affected as much?? Married life is something new to me. The expectations, the responsibilities, the unwritten laws, the hidden language.... i could learn, have to learn them. But for a woman who had been married, for a long time that is, to adapt to another stranger vying attention from her husband, him spending time for the other woman instead of her, buying stuff for the other person instead of saving for the kids..... how would she feel? Angry? Sad? Jealous? Worried? She could no longer have her husband all to herself. But whom do we belong to...if not the Almighty?
Can`t a woman not ask for just companionship? To love and be loved? To give and to receive? To fill that empty void only a man could? To be able to pass the gate of heaven for being a good wife? To be able to listen to little footsteps, not belonging to others instead?
Is it too much to ask ..... from another woman??
Is it true that men are capable of loving more than one woman at the same time? If they could, is the love as passionate as the other?? as fiery?? as everlasting??
Her husband knew, he could not afford another, but why did he continue? She was hurt as they already had prenuptial agreement against polygamy. She blamed herself for not taking 'good care' of her husband... with work, two kids, studies, parents to take care of, she`s swamped.
Z: Sometimes i`m just too tired. I didn`t even kiss him goodnight.
Me: But you can`t blame everything on yourself dear. He should understand. You`re doing all this to help lessen his burden, so that you guys can afford to buy a house, pay for 2 cars, send the kids to good schools....
Z: I know. I told him i`m not superwoman. After work, he expect me to be the perfect wife, do the household chores, cook, take care of him, take care of the kids.... Even with a maid around, sometimes it`s too overwhelming...
Me: He ain`t that perfect husband either...
Nobody is perfect. No marriage is perfect. Nothing is perfect in this world.
Me: What if he can`t forget the girl? and decide to proceed further? ( Am i being too inquisitive?? )
Z: (Pause) I`ll ask him to let me go.
Me: Whaaattt?? ( the veins on my temple almost popped out) You mean... divorce??
Z: I don`t think i can share him with someone else...
Me: So... you`d rather be called 'janda' and risk your kids losing their father, than share him with another woman?? ( suddenly, the cafe felt claustrophobic)
Z: Yeah, something like that. I felt so betrayed. Even now, I dunno if i could trust him anymore.. ( i could see tears in her eyes)
Me: But.... but... ( i was loss for words)
How could i say comforting words to her?... when i`m almost in the same situation, almost. Even if the other party agrees, will i cause too much damage that no medicine in this world can give cure, not even slightest relief?
Will i be affected as much?? Married life is something new to me. The expectations, the responsibilities, the unwritten laws, the hidden language.... i could learn, have to learn them. But for a woman who had been married, for a long time that is, to adapt to another stranger vying attention from her husband, him spending time for the other woman instead of her, buying stuff for the other person instead of saving for the kids..... how would she feel? Angry? Sad? Jealous? Worried? She could no longer have her husband all to herself. But whom do we belong to...if not the Almighty?
Can`t a woman not ask for just companionship? To love and be loved? To give and to receive? To fill that empty void only a man could? To be able to pass the gate of heaven for being a good wife? To be able to listen to little footsteps, not belonging to others instead?
Is it too much to ask ..... from another woman??
posted by marina at 6:16 PM
Yes it is too much to ask from another woman. Especially since she had sacrificed so much for the relationship, only to have her love shared.
But then again, there is that thing called Fate. Takdir. Predestination.
Sometimes it works for some people. But not for others.
Only Allah knows best.
Ribena blackcurrant might help..
SF: Thank you for the kind words :)
Riza: Hehehehhe.... you always have something to crack people up :P even atthe oddest circumstances
hello dear,
you have another question to *consider*, his love might have to be shared 3 ways or even 4 ways. he seems like a man who knows his religion.
BTW is he my mursyid? fuyyo...
all the best :)
coming from a family of break ups...i should know...
1. the guy will regret it, maybe tomorrow, maybe 3 more years (when the honeymoon years is over), maybe in 30 more years (when he's old and grey). I can see it in my dad. He may not say he's sorry, but I'm sure he felt it, and all of us can see it.
2. the guy will usually be miserable. the next woman will be too suffocating most of the time. Call it a syndrom from a woman who has taken someone elses husband away, the thought of another girl might take him away again. Plus, the guy will have insecurities. My sis is happy now, but that took time, about 3 years maybe. He was not a bad husband or a bad father, but he went for his ex gf. Now, we pity him. He have a lot of burden, a bigger family, financial instability. He was heard to say to his children, "if Mommy kawin lain, she's not your mother anymore". A tone of jealousy? ahaha..funny isn't it? But we were taught by our mother, be a good mother, and the children will judge themselves.
3. Even if he left the first, it's unlikely he'll left the second. coz he's afraid, he will realized that after honeymoon is over, its LIFE back again, responsibilities and a woman's PMS. Nobody can beat the first wife's sacrifice.
4. Believe, truly believe, that God has it's gift, and it's surely going to be a surprise. It may be tomorrow, it may be in another 10 years. Redha, it's the feeling when you can look to those who has hurt you deeply in the eye, and felt nothing, no anger. My mom had felt that only after 15 years. Don't wait that long.
5. Focus on the children. Make them happy, and you will be happy, now and the future.
6. Me? Insecured. Found a guy who kept me feel secured for sometime, but que sera sera, what ever will be, will be.
Anon: What`s a mursyid?? You know him?
ICI: Whoaaaa... a blog within a blog?? Anyways, thank you for sharing the experiences :)
Keep up the good work » » »